Ok, this is something i’d rather not be blogging about but unfortunately it’s the only thing i can think about at the moment and i just want to vent.
As i’ve mentioned in my 2012 – New Year’s Resolutions post i suffer from PA and i am being treated for it by a rheumatologist and a dermatologist. “Treated” is too strong of a word. PA is chronic degenerative condition and it’s here to stay. I think the word “contained” is more appropriate for what’s going on at the moment. I’ve had 2 serious flares ups this year. The first was around mid January until mid February. My methotrexate dosage had increased significantly last to combat this type of flares ups. But as it so often happens, a solution to one problem is the source of a different problem. Although from mid-February onwards i started to feel better, the increased dosage led to stomach problems.
After a gastroscopy and finding that some “wounds” in my stomach had increased (compared to last year’s gastroscopy), i’ve had to cut back on some my PA medicine dosage. I don’t know if it’s just coincidence but i’ve had another serious flare up for 8 days now so i’ve started taking strong anti-inflammatory drugs which are not doing my stomach any good. It’s proving to be a vicious circle. Treat one thing while suffer (and cause) another.
The one glimmer of hope in this is that i finally got approval for my PA to be “contained” with the ridiculously expensive biologic drug called Enbrel. This is thought to be less damaging than chemical based drugs, such as methotrexate. However, it weakens the immune system, so if there is any indication of an infection (even a cough or the flu) i need to stop taking it immediately. I’ve only taken one shot, last week, and i already have a sneaky suspicion of a (not going away) cough. Like i said, a vicious circle.
This condition is the only thing on my mind and it’s leading me into dark thoughts and seeing health problems everywhere (Some real and some from anxiety). Last year i feared for my intestine and now i’m concerned about my heart.
It’s just that i haven’t yet learned how to live with this condition. I am finding it difficult to accept it and move on. I’m still stuck in the “why me” phase.