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Why me?

19 Mar

Ok, this is something i’d rather not be blogging about but unfortunately it’s the only thing i can think about at the moment and i just want to vent.

As i’ve mentioned in my 2012 – New Year’s Resolutions post i suffer from PA and i am being treated for it by a rheumatologist and a dermatologist. “Treated” is too strong of a word. PA is chronic degenerative condition and it’s here to stay. I think the word “contained” is more appropriate for what’s going on at the moment. I’ve had 2 serious flares ups this year. The first was around mid January until mid February. My methotrexate dosage had increased significantly last to combat this type of flares ups. But as it so often happens, a solution to one problem is the source of a different problem. Although from mid-February onwards i started to feel better, the increased dosage led to stomach problems.

After a gastroscopy and finding that some “wounds” in my stomach had increased (compared to last year’s gastroscopy), i’ve had to cut back on some my PA medicine dosage. I don’t know if it’s just coincidence but i’ve had another serious flare up for 8 days now so i’ve started taking strong anti-inflammatory drugs which are not doing my stomach any good.  It’s proving to be a vicious circle. Treat one thing while suffer (and cause) another.

The one glimmer of hope in this is that i finally got approval for my PA to be “contained” with the ridiculously expensive biologic drug called Enbrel. This is thought to be less damaging than chemical based drugs, such as methotrexate. However, it weakens the immune system, so if there is any indication of an infection (even a cough or the flu) i need to stop taking it immediately.  I’ve only taken one shot, last week, and i already have a sneaky suspicion of a (not going away) cough. Like i said, a vicious circle.

This condition is the only thing on my mind and it’s leading me into dark thoughts and seeing health problems everywhere (Some real and some from anxiety). Last year i feared for my intestine and now i’m concerned about my heart.

It’s just that i haven’t yet learned how to live with this condition. I am finding it difficult to accept it and move on. I’m still stuck in the “why me” phase.

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2 Comments

Posted by on March 19, 2012 in Antidote, Exercise & health

 

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2 responses to “Why me?

  1. jameswharris

    April 5, 2012 at 23:15

    Costas, I’m sorry you’re having to go through with this while you are so young. Dealing with a failing body is something you learn to accept when you get old. The sad fact of life is we have to learn to accept our situation. Most people can ignore that for a long time, but eventually we all learn the limits of our body. But what else can you do? The only advice I can give is to observe your body carefully and see where you might be doing something to hurt it, or where you might could do something to help. Is there anything in your diet that causes flareups? For years in my thirties I thought I was getting an ulcer and it turned out to be the vitamins I was taking. Decades later I got a mysterious illness that I went to endless doctors trying to figure out. Eventually an emergency room doctor told me something to try. He said make my diet as simple as possible until I started feeling better, and then slowly add stuff back in. It took months but the culprit was aspartame.

     
  2. costastaliadoros

    April 6, 2012 at 10:10

    Thank you for the support Jim. It’s something that will take time i know. The period i wrote this was particularly bad but there are better days as well. Especially now that the winter has finally ended here. The weather does make a difference and fortunately here it’s usually warm/hot.

    I am also learning to respond to my body’s needs better. I used to think that i could do most of the things i wanted to do but i know i need to be more humble. Be more respectful towards it.

     

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